i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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