put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
