is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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