Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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