Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
