stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
