I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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