this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
