Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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