My nipple is on Facebook.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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