I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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