Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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