Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
