Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
