I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
