i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
