i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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