wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
