my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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