I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
