I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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