Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Even my vagina gasped.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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