When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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