Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
