I will die if light touches me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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