I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
