I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
