FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
