dude i'm inner monologue high
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
