I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
