Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you never un-have a 4some
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
