What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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