I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
