fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
