That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
