Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
only if we run a train.
done.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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