It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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