at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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