I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
