you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
