I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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