I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
