omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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