I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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