she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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