I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
