We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
