i was born a porn star she said
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
