I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
