We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
